“Don’t believe the nonsensical propaganda you read in pop-lit and websites. Your cat is not trying to kill you. There is simply no reliable evidence supporting these presumptive murderous intentions.”
This is the first sentence of a blog post, written by Reluctant Cat Owner. I enjoyed the post so much that I needed to share it. Besides: I’m sure many more cat owners need to see and read it! Have fun!
Don’t believe the nonsensical propaganda you read in pop-lit and websites. Your cat is not trying to kill you. There is simply no reliable evidence supporting these presumptive murderous intentions.
I don’t dispute that if you were to suddenly drop dead, your feline companion would contract a severe case of indifference; however, it is extraordinarily improbable that your bucket will be kicked by a four-legged degenerate.
How do I know your cat wants you alive? Because through the logic of inductive reasoning (a methodology used by prominent, modern thinkers such as Dinesh D’Souza, Louie Gohmert, and Monty Python), I have discovered that domesticated cats feed on negative emotions. If you take issue with this theory, ask yourself why cats maul your loving hand but never puncture a major artery, or why they trip you only in the absence of sharp objects on which to impale your head? I’ll tell you why. Because the pain and suffering they produce is part of their nutritious, balanced diet.
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