Staring into sadness, is part of what I do
I wish there were some smiles, but no, I’m feeling blue.
Darkness is surrounding me, a hole I just fell in
no chance to see a light beam, just blackness on my skin.
Feeling useless, feeling unloved, my heart is drying out
a storm is raging inside me, I wish that I could shout.
My lips, they feel like they’re seamed up, please just let me scream
but not one tone is possible, I’m in a black cruel dream.
Years ago, when I was young I knew that I was bad
I was told often enough – and ugly too, to add.
Never was I good enough, never was seen my heart
to destroy a person efficiently, that too, it is an art.
Sometimes I wish these people knew how much I am in pain
but I begrudge them all the victory to look and see my strain.
So I keep my mask of happiness, my smiles and all my cheers
and nobody sees that inside of me I drown in a lake of tears.
Going down the memory lane, my reflection or a pic
scare me and disgust me, my stomach, it feels sick.
Beauty or even prettiness in connection with what I see
has long ago been vandalized and destroyed inside of me.
I’m ever only just a friend, hidden is my friendship time
nobody wants to be seen with me, like it would be a crime.
Nobody ever sees my pain, what I’m told is cruel and rough
And until this day I’m asking the world: will I ever be good enough?
Being rejected all my life, over and over again
leaves me empty and in fear; no sun for me, just rain.
No help, no love, no smiles, nobody taking time to mend
my broken self and that is why, I wish it just would end…
(Copyright Aurora Jean Alexander, September 2017)