Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Animals do the craziest things! And old farmers!

And some humor from Smorgasbord – Thanks for the giggles, Sally!

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

An old Farmer……..Trust me there is an animal in here somewhere…..

An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years. He had a large pond out the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, BBQ and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, to look it over. He grabbed a large bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not…

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Authors Should Think Twice Before Signing A Book Contract – Writtey By Derek Haines

Getting a publisher is every author’s dream. But beware of book contract nightmares.
Never sign a book contract with a publisher without doing your homework first.

There are so many small publishers nowadays offering publishing agreements, and while some are good, there are many that are not so good, or worse.

Even among some well-known small publishers, problems have arisen with overdue payment or no payment of royalties to authors.

In recent times, Ellora’s Cave has experienced financial difficulty, and it seems as if it is now taking legal action against the RWA, who asked Ellora’s Cave to pay overdue royalties.

To read the full article go to:

https://justpublishingadvice.com/authors-beware-think-twice-before-signing-a-contract/

Diagnosing a REAL Writer: Do You Have Terminological Inexactitude Syndrome? – Written By Kristen Lamb

Another excellently educating and humorous blog post by Kristen Lamb. You’re the best Kristen!


Being a writer is the best job in the world, aside from those fortunate enough to be paid to pet kittens or sample new ice cream flavors. But is writing a REAL job? This question has set fire to the entire psychiatric community. Okay, most of them…the ones in my head *turns off fire alarms*.

Many in our modern culture don’t believe writing qualifies as a legitimate occupation. An unusual percentage of ‘average’ citizens firmly maintain that being a writer is NOT a real job. These same individuals, however, collectively spend billions of dollars and most of their free time enjoying entertainment (created by writers).

Cleaning Teeth= ‘Real’ Job

Writing= Goofing Off

Thus far, those interviewed have yet to note the irony of their assertions (or looked up definition of irony). Since being a writer is not a ‘real job,’ then this leads us to the next most reasonable conclusion. Writing, in truth, may be a mental condition. I have written about the 13 Ways Writers Are Mistaken for Serial Killers.

So there IS that…

To read the entire blog post go to:

http://authorkristenlamb.com/2018/04/diagnosing-real-writer/

 

 

…the beauty of the ear is in the lobe of the beholder…

Master Seumas walks down a new road with Audio Books. Congrats Seumas! Keep on walking! ❤

Seumas Gallacher

…it takes a l-oooooooooo-ng time for this ol’ Scots Jurassic to adapt to new things… I didn’t start wearing long trousers until I was about 15 years old… when I acquire a new cellphone (I believe they’re called ‘mobile phones’now), it takes an absolute age for me to understand what WURKS differently from the old one… and as for calculators, to this day, I still eschew them in favour of using my mental arithmetic skills, honed at the desks of great Scottish primary school teachers…  and I recall when I moved to Hong Kong as a fully-fledged Master of the Financial Universe in 1980, it was all of six months before I dared attempt to eat the local Chinese food (which, of course, is excellent fare, by the way)… little wonder then, that as an Author of some ten years standing now, it has taken until now to embrace…

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Because I fell in love with you again (National Poetry Month)

A heartfelt, touching, sensitive and fascinating poem by F. E. Feeley jr.

F.E.Feeley Jr

lubov-birina-579146-unsplash

unsplash-logoLubov’ Birina

Because you came to me
in the night
knocking on my door
gentle raps, barely taps
but enough to send me to the door,
wrapping myself in a robe as I went

There you stood
windswept hair, leather jacket, and doe eyes
smelling of Burberry cologne and nervousness
while the thunder rolled in the pitch dark
and lightning flashed
because the mother nature was conspiring

I’d missed you for weeks, it seemed
Maybe it was a lifetime or two
the warmth of your voice
the way my name tumbled from your lips

I thought you’d never come back
and because of the wind I shivered
and retreated back through my doorway
before you stepped inside

before I could speak
you wrapped your arms around me
I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh
because I missed you – I wanted to freeze time

My hands reached up…

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April & May 2018 Writing Submissions [Writing Contests]

Rachel Poli’s April/May 2018 Writing Contests are out. Thanks so much Rachel. We really appreciate your hard work!

Rachel Poli

April & May 2018 Writing Submissions | Writing Contests | Creative Writing | RachelPoli.com

April 2018

Genre: Fiction
Theme: N/A
Website: Glimmer Train
Deadline: April 30, 2018
Entry Fee: $2
Prize: First – $700

Genre: Very short fiction
Theme: N/A
Website: Glimmer Train
Deadline: April 30, 2018
Entry Fee: $16
Prize: First – $2,000

Genre: Fiction
Theme: N/A
Website: Glimmer Train
Deadline: April 30, 2018
Entry Fee: $21
Prize: First – $3,000

May 2018

Genre: Any
Theme: N/A
Website: Writer’s Digest
Deadline: May 4, 2018 (early-bird deadline)
Entry Fee: $20 for poetry, $30 for manuscript
Prize: Grand prize – $5,000

Genre: Poetry, Fiction, or Creative Nonfiction
Theme: N/A
Website: The Boiler Journal
Deadline: May 15, 2018
Entry Fee: N/A
Prize: Publication on site

Genre: Poetry or Flash Fiction
Theme: Moon
Website: The A3 Review
Deadline: May 26, 2018
Entry Fee: $5
Prize: First – $220

Genre: Essay, poetry, fiction, or flash fiction
Theme: N/A
Website: Five Points
Deadline: May 30, 2018
Entry Fee: $3

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