Why I’m Unable To Write My Autobiography

I heard from three writer friends so far that they’re currently writing their autobiography – or memoirs… I wouldn’t be a writer if I didn’t consider writing my own after getting the idea. But I had to see that this won’t work.

We all know the saying when a writer has the idea for a story in his/her head, it needs to get out and be written. It is a true saying. And that’s why after I got the idea of writing my memoirs two minutes later the idea had been disappeared out of my head again. I figured this meant that this story doesn’t want to be written.

There are many reasons for not writing my autobiography: I always considered great minds, great personalities, famous and respected people do have an autobiography or biography… but me? Who would want to read about my life? It has been normal! In fact, it was extremely normal I think it would be boring to read about it. Yes, there were struggles, so many that it wasn’t an easy life – but these struggles are only important to me! Compared to other people’s problems and challenges mine were so minor.

I understand there are people traumatized as children or young adults and writing down their story might help. I heard about an actress who wrote her memoirs when she was 18 years old. Come on! 18? At that age, you discover that you are legally an adult. Was your life so freaking bad as a teenager? If yes, fine; if no, would I have to read about 15 years of overly dramatic boredom? With me, it’s different!

And I won’t write about a life that is so full of happiness, greatness, adventures and fantastic pictures, which would paint a completely wrong person. Like people who live their life on Instagram. Their lives are full of fantasy, greatness, fun, happiness and impressive pics. How many times do I see some friends of friends posting pics of their vacation in Australia! All people with Koalas on their backs! They all are happily beaming into the camera (except the Koala, whose 400th pic it is that day). One could almost think Australia was only built for Koala vacation. And yes, I’m just kidding.

But I refuse to write about a colorful life that I never had. I don’t need to impress anyone; I don’t need to publish my mistakes and wrong decisions in my life. I only need to make sure one person is going to be good with my life – and that’s my former child-self.

I want that little AJ looking into the future and saying: “Okay, this is the AJ I want to become later. She might not always do what society tells her to. She might not always have decided for the best, and sometimes she’s clumsy and a bit helpless; she trusts people too easily and when she was younger. occasionally she was blind when it came to guys. But hey – she is herself. She’s always been herself. She still has jokes in her head and has incomparable humor. And even though when she’s on the ground, flat on her belly, she gets back up and fights. With pride in her heart and her chin high.”

 

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And then there’s another reason: Writing my autobiography or memoirs, wouldn’t that mean, I never want to be forgotten? I want people to remember me. I figure, to the ones who have me in their heart, they’re going to keep me there. And I doubt I would ever find the impertinence to expect the entire world to keep me for eternity.

What IS eternity? – Yes, I know. The definition of eternity can be read in every dictionary, right? But that’s not what I mean.

From what I hear a priest has described eternity like this: “You see a dove picking up a sand grain at the beach, taking it into its beak, flying up to the moon, letting the sand grain fall. Then the dove flies back to the beach for centuries, picks up the next sand grain, flies up to the moon for centuries, lets the sand grain fall. And again it flies back to the beach, picks up the next sand grain, flies up to the moon, and so on; until it has transported the last sand grain of that beach up to the moon. By then – eternity has just started!”

Would I ever want to be remembered by people – in all eternity? (Or until the Earth explodes, but that’s another story). No, I don’t. I’m going to be at a place, where heaven is surrounding me. I wasn’t great; I wasn’t the best thing humankind has ever seen. Shoot the damned bird. LOL

I think you know what I mean.

Yes, my loved ones, my friends, and my family. Keep me in your hearts. But don’t expect me to write down all my life for people to read it. I keep secrets. At one point, let me go.

Do you write your autobiography or memoirs right now? What is your reason to write it down?

Picture courtesy of: https://www.wildgratitude.com/what-does-dove-mean/
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21 thoughts on “Why I’m Unable To Write My Autobiography

  1. Hi Aurora, Your piece resonated with me – as it probably would with countless people if they read it! As human beings, we are all flawed and full of inconsistencies, quirky habits (good and bad) but, to me, that’s the fascinating part of being an ‘enigma,. for that’s what us folk are – a collection of enigmas. Yahoo! Compared with an autobiography, a Memoir can be about a section or experience in your life. You don’t have to ‘tell all.’ In my case (reasons for writing my memoir ‘My Gentle War)’ – I’m half-Welsh and love the country and people, so I wanted to ‘re-live’ my evacuation/second World War years and check the Welsh genealogy of my family.I met so many interesting characters and travelled so much (seven schools, three venues) and learned to dance, there was much to relate. Add the inclusion of part of my father’s war diary, written during his time in France in 1940 and I was away……I suppose it depends on how strong the desire is to write such a book (it doesn’t have to be overlong…) Your decision – and don’t forget, we are ALL unique…Hugs xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you very much for sharing your opinion Joy. I really appreciate it. I know many people whose life has contained much more drama, tragedy, adventures, challenges and so much more than mine. Maybe one day, when I am old (and not only feeling like I was), then I might re-consider. But right now I think I made the right decision.
      You’re right, we all are unique. But it seems I don’t feel like sharing my ‘uniqueness’ with everybody. LOL

      Like

  2. Even though I’m an old guy, I don’t feel like my journey is complete enough to write my memoirs yet. The thought is there. It would be a great legacy for my children, but I feel like writing it would mean that my story is almost done.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know exactly what you mean. The thought of ‘aren’t memoirs written at the end of someone’s life?’ has crossed my mind as well. I didn’t know how to express it – and now you’re here and you speak it out.
      As for you being ‘an old guy’… I don’t believe that for one second, Don! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally understand what you’re saying and I never entertained the idea, yet, I did write my memoir. It was a wonderful experience and continues to touch people lives 2 1/2 years later. For me it wasn’t about my life as complete, it was about emerging from the shadows. Some of the resounding feedback was, “what happens next? So I wrote another book, which is a series of essays and poems which has also been finding it’s way to readers. So for me, my memoir was not a life from beginning to end, but a life that is a statement of courage and resilience. And I still, absolutely understand what you are saying. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I see what you mean. You wrote your memoirs more as a resume of your life so far but you continue living it and will find out what else it holds for you. That’s a good thing, I imagine. It seems to work well for you.
      I just cannot imagine it would work for me.
      But thanks so much for sharing your experience with us! 🙂

      Like

  4. I agree with you Aurora, that it depends on the life you lead and how you tie your own life to famous events. I am writing an biographical novel about my mother’s life. It was interesting; she was growing up in rural England during WWII with rationing, bombing and evacuation. I am bringing in a lot of historical detail.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This could be interesting. WWII was horrible and many would have a heartbreaking story to tell about their upbringing and life during this scary time. Of course I’m glad I was born much later. I admire your courage to write about that time when your mother grew up in such a horrible nightmare.
      I figure I couldn’t even write about it. I doubt I had the guts.
      Thanks so much for sharing this with us!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I know what you mean. Good post.

    On my blog I write about my own life and experiences (and that of everyone else I know), especially when I write about parenting, loss of a love, or relationships. I also write about my dog and cats. Read my blog and you’ll know a lot about me.

    I’ll have to admit ‘ve had an exceptionally interesting life. That said, I don’t think I’d want to spill it all and tell all in a book. There are too many others involved who wouldn’t want their stories told. And I like keeping my secrets. I like my privacy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know your blog, Juliette. And I enjoy it very much. You are right, you and your family lead an exceptional life. Keeping more secrets than any of us know.
      I too like my privacy to a certain degree.
      Thanks for reminding me that your blog is reading about an adventurous life as not many have the chance to live.

      Like

  6. In answer to your question, some people, like me, write memoirs if they have a story to tell, like My Ideal Partner, in which I explain how I met and married my late husband, then cared for him after he suffered two strokes until he died.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Abbie. I understand that this part of your life was a very important one and that you felt like sharing it. You had a story to tell.
      Maybe, one day, I feel I have too… but currently I doubt I’m far enough for this. Or that I have an interesting, fascinating unique story to tell.
      I admire you.
      Thanks for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. This is fascinating, that you use part of your life to tell your stories in fiction. There are funny, curious and interesting parts in my memory that might probably just want to stay where they are. Maybe I’m just not there yet, to share them with others. Maybe I never will.
      Thank you very much for dropping by and leaving your opinion and comment.

      Liked by 1 person

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