Recommendation vs. Reality – How To Deal With Rejection


There are all these amazing lists of recommendations on how to deal with rejection. Of course, I’m not saying they’re bad! More the opposite. We writers should read them, internalize the help and support other writers and psychologists are giving us! We should be grateful to know who we can turn to when we need comfort and what to do with the given advice. I’m serious, and there is no sarcasm in my words!

Take the list above. Each one of the points has a foot long explanation online, and every word is supportive and well meant. If any writer asked me how I’d deal with rejection, I would most likely use exactly that particular list and give calm and well-considered explanations with each advice.

But let me be honest: what is my reality? What are first and true emotional reactions on rejection? – This:

What are my honest (AND SECRET!!) replies to the recommendations mentioned above?

Don’t take it personally, right now it’s just not a good match yeah, good match my ass. These guys don’t see my knowledge, my talent, my abilities or my potential. They’re BLIND!

Talk about it go to your shrink and tell him that you are suffering, because rejection hurts! And then get a triple-box of Xanax and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Celebrate it – the rejection gives you a chance to improve your writing!  Of course! We got nothing better to do than to sacrifice a bottle of champagne to someone who’s hurt, stabbed – KILLED us!

Learn from it. Yes, we will, since we can show we can learn and deal with all this. – Forget that crap – I learned my craft, and I know what I’m doing – and no teenager barely out of high school is telling me what I’m doing wrong.

Pick yourself up – yes, because it’s easy to continue submitting. We are convinced there’s a great match somewhere. – Of course, after we found the light swimming in the lake of our tears and after we have nearly drowned in self-pity, we might consider submitting again. In like – two, three years, maybe?

I admit I’m curious… am I the only one who doesn’t take rejection well? Yes, I know, I’m an adult, I should stay calm, I should use my brain and my ability to accept constructive criticism. But I don’t. I’m acting like a kindergarten kid. My face, my brain, my knowledge, my experience tell the other person: “Yes, you’re right, thank you for the advice, it will give me a chance to improve.” But my emotions, my really, really enraged heart screams: “You prove me – and prove me a hundred times more you can do it any better before you DARE rejecting my work and therefore hurting, criticizing, insulting and humiliating me.”

Really, with all my life experience, all my rationality and common sense sometimes I’m such a wimp.

18 thoughts on “Recommendation vs. Reality – How To Deal With Rejection

  1. Hi Aurora, I’m a LOT older than you and wouldn’t mind betting I’ve had more rejection slips…..and of course, it hurts!
    OK, it was a long time ago now, but i still had to recover from them…HOWEVER! May I tell you a true story which may cheer you up a tad? I worked for the two editors of an old established publishers in the City of London for a few years, and it was often a case of sheer GOOD LUCK whether a particular m/s was chosen. Say we had just accepted an adventure tale and a children’s story about an elephant….and two other m/s arrived the day after about the same subjects….well hard cheese to the latter! It really did happen that way in a lot of instances. That said, of course, some m/s are rejected for other reasons, but you can only do your best.Check your English, be as original as you can and study the market you are writing for, and hopefully you will make it in the end. I’ve backed you to win anyway…See that you do!..Hugs. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for your words, Joy! And I really and truly mean that, no childlike back thoughts in my head. I really appreciate you took the time and effort to comfort me in such a detailed way! ❤ HUGS


  2. Rejection is hard at any age, Aurora. But, it’s doubly hard when the rejection email gives no explanation and you are left to wonder what it was that didn’t work for them. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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