A Little Bit Of Sarcasm – And Weddings

Lately, I heard about the wedding of one of my former boyfriends. Well, it took him quite long to decide, even though his new fiance/wife was not exactly innocent… considering she got pregnant just before his famous ‘level 4’.

Well… the groom and I were… once… you know… quite close. We liked each other – just at one point, he needed distance. After about two years, the distance was that big, we decided not to continue the relationship. It didn’t make sense.

Now… what are some weddings nowadays? 150 guests. Like a mass-wedding, I am indeed glad I’m not part of. However, once invited you can barely stay away since, of course, the newlyweds expect many presents… or presents in monetary-form, of course. Even though once I read on a wedding announcement, “Money presents are uninspired, particularly small ones.”

Why not just giving the account number where we can transfer the money to? Then the guests can do that… for the closest family member, a few breadsticks and a glass of cheap bubble water – and then the couple can take the money and go to their honeymoon.

But no… it always has to be something like a  Hollywood wedding but a wedding somewhere out in the countryside, where the utmost symbol of ‘good taste’ is the several thousand dollar-bridal gown which, according to the bride ALWAYS is very modest! While it’s created with Wite-out colored hundreds of yards of tulle and a huge bow on the bride’s ass, which makes her look like a mix of a Barbie doll and a Bavarian beer tent.

Courtesy of Google.com

Of course, there are a few other things that cannot go missing like white doves, flower girls with lace dresses, bows in the front, and frills in the back… and I’m asking myself why the entire effort? In five years, they’ll be divorced anyway.

But however… one has to go – which makes me happy I now live too far away to participate in that feast of waste. I know the woman… she’s a living nightmare in bows – but he doesn’t need my help – one day he’ll find it out anyway.

I can’t stand this kind of wedding. Whenever I went to one in the past few years, there were always this handful of old aunts and their second and third cousins around, elbowing me in the ribs and winking at me “You’re the next – you’ll be the next.” That behavior only stopped when I started doing the same thing at funerals.

Now, I found out that there are things on Earth that are simply a ‘fairy tale.’ Downright lies. Like the big and only love… A made-up story by Hollywood to make sure we true believers in true love are running to the movie theater to watch Pretty Woman or Titanic…

You know… maybe there is this true love – but it’s rare – very, very rare. There might be the one or other couple that loves each other and rarely ever argues or discusses something. – Lately, I saw an interview with a couple that had celebrated their 50th anniversary! That is quite an achievement! They asked the husband if he never ever considered a divorce – and he said: “A divorce? No – but murder – yes.”

That’s reality – and not three-story wedding cakes and chubby-cheeked flower kids. One day, the bride wakes up and realizes, the wedding cake is gone, the chubby-cheeked flower kids have turned into a bunch of snotty junkies, and since the wedding, the husband has never given her flowers – or compliments anymore and what they now laugh about most are his burbs… or other body functions, and she asks herself if that is going on like that for the next thirty years.

A smart woman once said: “A good man knows to die on time to make sure his wife has at least a few years she still can enjoy. The advantage of a widow is that she always knows where her husband lies.”

Oh well… I figure at times I’m glad I never was a bride. Maybe I just got my expectations too high and my imagination of a wedding too low. LOL

However – after writing this very sarcastic blog post – I might consider going around the corner to that Italian restaurant I discovered, with the singing guitar player… about 106 years old – but still smiling (or at least trying to smile). The waiter is not the sexy Italian dark-eyed romantic girl everyone expects, but a Neapolitan former docker, about as wide as high with so much chest hair that you have to send a search party for his gold chain…

Just one more thing… don’t take it all too seriously, have a good laugh and an amazing day.

20 thoughts on “A Little Bit Of Sarcasm – And Weddings

  1. Oh my dear AJ! I love you.
    I agree about the whole wedding expenditure extravaganza.
    Randy and I were married 36 years ago by a Justice of the Peace because I asked for low keyed. We asked for no gifts, just come and have a drink and play a few crazy games with us. It was great.
    One day, you may link in with someone who can appreciate you and your crazy beautiful self. Maybe it will go further, maybe that person will be a rock with or without benefits.
    A marriage says that you value yourself and the person you are committing to, to allow each other the freedom to continue growing as a person and not stop them from exploring. I guess that’s what has kept us together for so long.
    But on another side, we have become a disposable society.
    That’s all I am going to say about that.
    Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love you too Liz. It’s so wonderful to hear from you and that you took the time to provide me with a small part of your wisdom. I really appreciate it so very much!! You are a gem!!
      And you know – I don’t want to get married with the thought of the divorce in the back of my head already. Only when I can imagine of becoming old with the person, then I should go through that… even though – I already AM old… so why bother? LOL You know me, Liz! Sending you hugs back – and tons of love! ❤

      Like

  2. Hi Aurora, Ha ha, a laugh a day keeps the doctor away…I suspect there will always be OTT weddings as long as there are OTT people! It was said that our marriage wouldn’t last because of religious differences, but we’ll be celebrating our 67th anniversary later this month…Our wedding was modest but memorable, and we are neither of us perfect, but – luckily, because we love and respect each other, it has worked well. Of course you have to work at marriage, and one of the secrets to a happy one is to have a good sense of humour. Kindness and romance helps too…and ‘im indoors is guilty of both! We have managed two businesses,travelled and had several adventures. Plus, we have three very special sons as extra blessings. I’m sure your ‘Mr. Special’ is just waiting in the wings….Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. AJ, I love your style of writing. You definitely have a way with words. And I agree with you 100%. Weddings have been more of a “let’s top so-and-so’s” than “keeping up with the Jones.”

    A wedding is a celebration of the love that brought two people together, the love they have for each other. It was not always so. In past times, weddings were arranged and the celebration was on the behalf of the husband gaining a wife. But that’s beside the point.

    You have the right idea, looking forward to growing old with your partner instead of “if it doesn’t work out or we get tired of each other, we can get a divorce.” It’s sad, but so true of the mindset people have today. However, don’t count yourself out when it comes to finding that person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. I’d been married before, and divorced, but I didn’t find my true love until I was over sixty. Never knew what I was missing or what it felt like to have total respect for a man, complete faith in my husband, and enjoy our life together. 🙂 We are very different, and yet we respect our differences and enjoy the things we have in common.

    Really had a laugh over this blog. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

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