Church Bulletin Bloopers – Reblogged

(This post was originally re-blogged on ‘Writer’s Treasure Chest’ 7/20/2015 – from ‘Nutsrok‘. The blog still exists, but hasn’t been publishing new posts since October 2020)

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

3. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall – Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

8. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

9. Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

10. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ” Break Forth Into Joy.”

14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:

“I Upped My Pledge ! – Up Yours!”

Picture courtesy of Google.com (and I love it, because it’s so bubbly, bright and friendly!)

A. J. Alexander’s Secret Zen-Handwork

I have been asked if I always write…

Free time? A. J. is writing, right?

Always?

And my answer is: Almost always, yes…

At nighttime, when nobody is watching me, at the full moon, on my birthday, when the wind blows to the East, I can be seen grabbing a crochet needle and yarn and starting to work… And on nights like these, unusual and dangerous things are happening, and strange forms are built…

Picture courtesy of Amazon.com

Yes, you saw that right. I crochet doilies. I learned that handiwork when I was in school and for some undefined reason, I never forgot how it’s done. (Which proves I’m getting old; on some days I cannot remember what I had for breakfast, but I remember how to crochet a doily.) Usually, I can work on those when I watch TV, some TV show, or just relax somewhere while waiting for something or someone. Fact is, once I started, I aspire for completion because the whole crochet thing isn’t only embarrassing, it’s also a waste of time. Don’t even ask me why I do that, I cannot deliver any kind of proper explanation.

I once tried to figure out how to crochet something else than a doily… Ha! I did some research on clothing. I mean, if I’m already sacrificing so much time and effort, at least I would be able to show off something useful, beautiful, and unique… right? Guess, what I found: You cannot crochet something really beautiful (at least not in my size).

Picture courtesy of: Instyle.de

Oh, PLEASE!! Hippie-Look is out… that poor piece of workmanship is outdated since the ’70s! I was shocked. I decided to find another model I could possibly try.

Picture courtesy of Instyle.de

Don’t tell me that doesn’t look like a nightgown that belongs in a nun’s wardrobe? I found it made me laugh. However, I went to the next model, and there I was lucky!

Picture courtesy of Google.com

Isn’t that beautiful? Yes, I thought so too. But: be aware: To wear something like this, you have to be slim! Crochet dresses don’t forgive the slightest ‘chocolate-roll’. Since the patterns include ‘holes’, you have to wear something underneath, otherwise, you’ll look cheap. And last, but not least: If you create your crochet dress from one single running thread, and you got caught in something, like a nail, a hook, or a splinter, you could easily walk away and not realize your entire dress is slowly unraveling, until you’re standing there in your underskirt.

So, as a result: I got stuck with the doilies…

And now, please, keep the secret! It’s getting worse…

Decades ago, I took a course with my mother… and we learned, not only to crochet doilies but also to knit them! Isn’t that the height of shame? Yes, A. J. Alexander learned to master the high craft of ‘art-knitting’… That makes a doily normally look a bit more elegant, the handiwork finer…

Picture courtesy of Pinterest.com
Picture courtesy of Google.com

A project like that might take me up to two years if the doily is a certain size. For small ones, I don’t even make the effort anymore. The work is very exhausting and you have to concentrate well. Every single flaw is going to be seen immediately, while a crochet doily might forgive and hide the one or other mistake…

I know, the world doesn’t use that many doilies anymore. I think I’m one of the last generations that still uses them occasionally. And if someone feels like having one, you can buy them cheap. Can you ask me if I’d crochet or knit you one? Of course, you can… but you will have to calculate ‘big’. A medium crochet doily already costs double. An art-knitted big doily is very expensive. I doubt, anyone is going to spend that kind of money anymore.

Now, you know, A. J. Alexander’s secret Zen handiwork… Don’t tell anyone, please!

Maybe I should stick with the writing, what do you think?

Memorial Day 2022

Memorial Day is an American holiday, observed on the last Monday of May, honoring the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military.

Picture courtesy of Pinterest.com

Memorial Day Prayer

Almighty God

Today we remember the ones who fought for us

We remember them with all our hearts, holding them in our thoughts

We say ‘thank you’ for your sacrifice, to pay the highest price for our freedom

with your blood, with your life, with all you have.

We make sure today, that those who stand on the side of our country and its people

won’t be forgotten. Not now, not day, not tomorrow, not ever!

Dear God, thank you for taking care of your sons’s and daughter’s souls

may they be happy in Heaven, for all eternity.

Amen

(Copyright: Aurora Jean Alexander, May 26, 2022)


The Benefits Of Smiling

The benefits of smiling

Smiling does not only improve the quality of our face, it also benefits us in different other ways. We are more likable. Also, smiling allows us to share our humanity, in sociable settings as well as the work environment, and it also, surprisingly, improves our health. As we age, we smile less often. According to studies, a child smiles up to 400 times a day, as compared to the average adult who smiles only about 20 times within 24 hours. Considering we are truly improving our family and work-life by smiling, we need to learn how to smile and laugh again.

Smiling releases cortisol and endorphins, which improve our well-being by:

  • Reducing blood pressure
  • Increasing endurance
  • Reducing pain
  • Reducing stress
  • Strengthening immune system

If we take all the advantages into account that smiling gives us, and the only con would be a few laughing lines around the lips, I would like to highly recommend: ‘Live your life and smile away’.

Picture courtesy of Google.com

What is it that makes you smile? Tell us about it in the comments.

(Sources: Smiling: Why It’s Important in Your Personal Life and Workplace | Psychology Today & Surprising Health Benefits Of Smiling | Henry Ford LiveWell)

A New Home For The Writer Beware Blog

I got the news this week that the ‘Writer Beware’ blog, which I keep re-posting here, on ‘Writer’s Treasure Chest’, moved to WordPress.

Victoria Strauss, who does so much for us writers by warning us from scams, foul play, screw-overs, phonies, and more, took the Writer’s Beware blog from Blogspot to WordPress, which is going to make re-blogging a lot easier. I’m sure, she’ll feel home here quite quickly!

Good Luck to Victoria, and we’re looking forward to her very helpful posts! Way to go!


Welcome to the new home of the Writer Beware blog!

After many years on the Blogger platform, we have finally transitioned to WordPress, which offers much greater flexibility in terms of design, control, and ease of use.

We also have a new, easy to remember web address: writerbeware.blog.

I’ve been dissatisfied with Blogger for a while now. I’m not a web developer, but I’m not helpless, either; I maintain the Writer Beware website on the SFWA site, and I built and maintain two additional websites, my own and another for an organization my husband is part of. But every time I thought about moving to a new platform, the size of the challenge just seemed too daunting. How would I transfer hundreds of posts, not to mention the thousands of comments and images that go with them? What about all the non-working inbound links the move would create? Links wouldn’t be a problem if I just started fresh on a brand-new WordPress site–but then the blog would exist on two platforms, with two different web addresses. And what about WB’s thousands of followers and subscribers?

CONTINUE READING HERE

Jake, The Best Tomcat Ever, Is Gone

When Jake got so very sick, I had to take him into emergency care on a Sunday. That day I got so much help from friends, family, and readers, followers and many more! I’m so very grateful! When we left that vet-urgent care, there were good news, and not-so-good news. I had opened a Go-FundMe fundraiser for Jake. I am a very loving and caring cat-mommy, but unfortunately not a rich one. The pandemic hit me hard, and I didn’t know how to take care of my boy.

Jake’s tail wound was severe, but it had been taken care of and got better. He slowly started carrying his tail high again, full of pride, as he always did.

Unfortunately, his respiratory infection did not improve at all, but worsened. At the follow up appointment I was told that it’s essential, Jake starts to eat again, or organ failure and suffering to death would be the immediate results. By that time, Jake weighed less than a Yorkshire Terrier, but was double the size.

Three days later, I had to clearly see, that Jake decided to leave me. He did not start eating and stopped drinking too. I did, whatever I could to convince him to stay longer with me and Tjara, but Jake decided, it was time for him.

Jake crossed the Rainbow Bridge and left me here…

I tried to keep you all updated on the GoFundMe page, and I can assure you, that all funds are going towards Jake’s final vet bills. I cannot express how much all your help means to me! Thank you very much for your generosity and your compassion!

https://gofund.me/aa38124e

The Oscars 2022 – Fashion Post

Welcome to my annual Oscars-Fashion critics a la AJ. As usually, I’m not discussing movies, performances, or anything else for that matter. I looked at the participants and their gowns, and I’m presenting my personal opinion here, nothing more. Your taste might very much differentiate, but we know this will happen. I hope, you’ll have a little bit of fun with this post.

What to wear What not to wear

Mila Kunis rocked the red carpet in a silk Zuhair Murad, elegant, stunning, flattering. Now, H.E.R. is a bit different… what on Earth happened here? It looks like the designer grabbed some fabric and draped it around her, somehow. She looks a bit like spilled lemon juice.
Reba McEntire in Pamela Rolland is the epitome of feminine. The emerald green makes her positively beam. Venus Williams is nicely dressed, but her overly revealing cleveage makes her look cheap. A little more would have been well adviced here… and I’m talking about a bit more fabric around the ample bosom…
Sofia Carson reminds me very strongly of Audrey Hepburn in this breathtaking Giambattista Valli dress. Maria Menouos, in my opinion, looks more like a lime colored rubber boot with the most senseless decoration ever seen. She’s a beautiful lady. I have no idea what her stylist had for breakfast…
Alana Haim looks stunning in her silver colored Louis Vuitton dress. Simple, beautiful, ladylike. (And I hope she’ll forgive me the typo below the picture) Jada Pinkett Smith wasn’t that lucky. Her stylist made her look a bit like a moss covered tree stump. Far too much fabric… What for? She doesn’t need it!
Jessica Chastain looks radiant in her lavender Gucci dress. She really glows with the flow. Now, Maggie Gyllenhaal… The cut and style of this dress would be elegant and figure flattering. But the gold applications, unfortunately, make her look a bit like a royal tea cozy.
Wanda Sykes looks cool and stylish in her ivory suit, feminine and impressive, while Ariana DeBose looks a bit like she decided on something that was made for a far bigger person. She almost falls out of her trousers and I’m not sure about all that extra fabric around and behind her. It doesn’t visibly serve a purpose. Too much red, too much everything.
Uma Thurman wears an accentuated ensemble in black and white, elegant and feminine. Zendaya, I believe, tried the same with her Valentino deux-piece, but to me, her design looks incomplete, and makes her look a bit sloppy and pale.
Rachel Zegler looks all the classic beauty she is in her black Dior gown. And then, there’s Billie Eilish… Billie, Billie, Billie… really? You look like you’re wearing the bed canopy from Dracula’s castle. Even a scarecrow has better taste than that!
Kristen Dunst in Christian Lacroix is glowing, a classic beautiful lady in red. I’m, in fact, a bit shocked about Nicole Kidman, who is rumored to have impeccable taste. In that gray ballooning frock she looks a bit like an 18th century lampshade.
Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent looks elegant, beautiful, simple and cute. I’m not sure about Julianne Hough though. I consider her one of the most beautiful women in every room, but that yellow gown makes her look a bit pale, and the dark red lipstick ages her. In my opinion she looks drawn and tired.
From what rumors say Kristen Stewart got quite a few negative headlines for her Chanel outfit on the red carpet. In my opinion, unjustly. Kristen Stewart was never one known to be traditional, and I think, with legs from the ground to the neck, and her positive radiance, she looks sexy and stylish. Well done!

I hope, you’ll permit me a few words about the gentlemen on the red carpet. I’m very much for unique individuality and the freedom to express yourself. But I’m also one who considers some traditions useful – even tasteful. I, therefore, hope, you will forgive me my comments on some ‘individual’ taste…

Bradley Cooper, in a classic, elegant tux as usually. It gives him positive glow and he looks attractive, handsome, and sexy. Wesley Snipes? Not so much. In this purplish/burgundy ‘something’ he reminds me a bit of a three week old radish that got forgotten in the vegetable section of a refrigerator… Oy…
Jason Momoa wears a classic all-black tux, his long mane is tamed, as I hear, in a french braid, and he wears glasses. he looks strong, masculine, and charismatic. And then, there’s Timothee Chalamet…. *sigh* Please, Timothee… you look like you had a hell of a hangover Saturday night and forgot half of your clothing. Get yourself a few muscles, and we’ll talk about this style, but chicken chest and no shirt don’t go well together. Huge fail!

I hope, you had fun with this post. Let us know your thoughts in the comments. We are curious about your taste!

(All pictures are curtesy of Google.com and usmagazine.com)

Join The Paranormal Romance Guild

The ‘Paranormal Romance Guild’ is a writer’s guild, offering promotional services and author services for its members.

As a premium member, you can get interviews, reviews, beta-readers, Featured Author posts, giveaways, Blog Tours, critiques and much more!

We care for our members!

MISSION STATEMENT

The sole purpose of the Paranormal Romance Guild (PRG) is to support and promote all authors of the paranormal romance genre and their works through its website and events.

WHO WE ARE

The Paranormal Romance Guild, AKA (“PRG”), was formed by the banding together of paranormal romance genre readers and writers, through the internet, with the sole purpose of supporting and promoting authors of the paranormal romance genre through the organization’s website and special events. The Paranormal Romance Guild (PRG) was officially organized and recognized on October 31,2009. PRG is a non-profit organization. All fees and dues collected are to sustain operations of the PRG. No assets of the corporation are to benefit the officers or members.


The ‘Readers’ membership is an unlimited free membership that allows you to read what is going on within the guild. It is easy to sign up – and you can later still upgrade your membership.

The Paranormal Romance Guild accepts a limited amount of writers from other genres as well.

SIGN UP HERE

The Power Of Your Nose – Writing Improvement

Writers (and other humans) tend to suffer from insomnia, fatigue, depression, headaches, digestion problems, anxieties and other ailments, due to sitting too long, constant overflowing of their brain and thinking, and for other reasons, basically too many to count.

However, there is a possibility to help with some of these ailments in a natural healing way. My experience showed me some improvement in my general well-being, which helped me to better writing as well. I’m talking about essential oils. We breathe, and the smell of some essential oils help us with some of our ailments.

We just need to remember: Too much of a good thing can be bad.

Let’s have a look at what I found:

CITRUS

These light oils often have fruity scents that are characteristic of the rinds from which they are extracted. They can be described as tangy or tart, fresh, clean, vibrant, invigorating, exciting, energizing, and uplifting.

Lemon

Orange

Grapefruit Bergamot

Lime

Tangerine

Citronella

Lemongrass

Mandarin

Litsea Cubeba

Tagetes

Most often top notes

  • Energizing
  • Uplifting
  • Emotionally balancing to reduce feelings of stress and anxiety
  • Deodorizing
  • Cleansing; popular addition to antibacterial oil blends
  • Refreshing
  • Stimulating for mental and spiritual vigor

FLORAL

These scents are often reminiscent of the flowers from which they are extracted and can be described as being feminine, powdery, subtle, modest, romantic, and even poetic. They are often sweet-smelling and create a feeling of cheerfulness. Floral scents are considered to be classic and timeless.

Chamomile

Geranium

Jasmine

Lavender

Neroli

Rose

Rosewood

Ylang-Ylang

Petitgrain

Most often middle notes

  • Comforting
  • Promotes rest
  • Sometimes sleep-inducing
  • Mood balancing

HERBACEOUS

Essential Oils that have herbaceous scents can be further described as smelling green or grassy. These Essential Oils often have mild floral yet invigorating spring-like scents that are associated with lush, wet foliage. They are reminiscent of the aroma of fresh leaves, moss, mown grass, herbs, and trees.

Chamomile

Angelica Root

Clary Sage

Eucalyptus Radiata

Fennel

Hyssop

Marjoram 

Melissa

Rosemary

Thyme

Oregano

Bay Laurel

Catnip

Sage Dalmatian

Parsley

Tea Tree

Yarrow

Most often middle notes

  • Calming
  • Promotes positivity
  • Encouraging
  • Emotionally balancing
  • Grounding

CAMPHORACEOUS

These Essential Oils have strong scents and are known to be beneficial for clearing the respiratory system due to their clarifying, penetrating, energizing, purifying, and almost medicinal aromas.

Camphor

Cajeput

Eucalyptus

Pennyroyal

Laurel Leaf

Lavandin

Most often middle notes

  • Stimulating
  • Refreshing
  • Focus-enhancing

MINTY

Essential Oils with a minty scent are strong-scented and are distinctly known for their bracing, fresh fragrances. They are reputed to be clearing and cooling when used in aromatherapy and topical applications.

Spearmint

Wintergreen

Peppermint

Can be top, middle, or base Notes

  • Motivating
  • Cooling
  • Invigorating
  • Mentally clarifying

SPICY

These Essential Oils have exotic, warm, intense aromas that are often reminiscent of baking and other warm memories. With strong scents, they are commonly used to stimulate energy and focus.

Aniseed

Basil

Black Pepper

Cardamom

Cinnamon

Coriander

Cumin

Ginger

Nutmeg

Allspice

Cassia

Clove Bud

Middle or base notes

  • Bracing
  • Rousing
  • Crisp and penetrating
  • Lively

RESINOUS/MUSKY

These Essential Oils exude deep, rich scents that are smoky, woody, earthy, sweet, leather-like, and warm. Their mellow, alluring, and long-lasting fragrances lend a reassuring quality that makes them ideal for use in spiritual practices.

Benzoin 

Elemi

Frankincense

Myrrh

Peru Balsam

Middle or base notes

  • Grounding  
  • Promotes relaxation and sense of inner calm
  • Emotionally balancing
  • Uplifting
  • Known to be commonly used for intimacy enhancement
  • Tend to be associated with a casual feeling

WOODY/EARTHY

These Essential Oils have deep, warm, lingering scents.

Often described as smelling “brown,” these oils are reminiscent of the scents of a forest floor or damp soil. Their fragrances are soft, masculine, musky, and sensual. Their alluring, seductive, and hypnotic qualities create an atmosphere of mystery.

Cypress

Juniper Berry

Pine

Sandalwood

Fir

Cedarwood

(Atlas & Virginian)

Palo Santo

Rosewood

Patchouli

Vetiver

Valerian

Carrot Seed

Most often middle or base notes

  • Grounding
  • Uplifting
  • Emotionally balancing  
  • Promote feelings of comfort, security, and well-being
  • Often considered to be aphrodisiacs

I copied the above mentioned information from a website I consider an excellent source for beginners.

https://www.newdirectionsaromatics.com/blog/products/categories-of-essential-oils-their-benefits.html

But please, read about how to use them, the disclaimer, and the side effects. Essential oils are a wonderful addition to our life and can help us, not only with our writing, but they shouldn’t be used thoughtlessly or without limits.

Picture courtesy of https://health.clevelandclinic.org/essential-oils-101-do-they-work-how-do-you-use-them/