Guest Post By S. Jackson – Child Loss

I’m not the woman I once was…I know the hurt, the battle within.

I’m not the woman I once was… I’m not the mama I once was… but I’m me, please take me as I am, full of flaws… I know the hurt, the battle within.

My own mother was devoid of feeling towards most of her children, and I was the perfect black sheep in her eyes. She wasn’t affectionate, didn’t hug, or show love as I grew up. If she did show to any my siblings, I never once saw it. I told myself that I would the opposite with my own children if I were to be blessed by God and given the gift of children.

I was blessed with three boys and one daughter (from my second marriage). My first born died in utero (inside me), labor was induced, and Shane was stillborn. I was crushed and in an abusive marriage. My second son, Gene, was born ‘blue’, but he rallied around and with the grace of God, he is now a machinist. Sam, my youngest, was born and I thought life would be good. I lavished love, hugs, and kisses on both boys, and eventually left their abusive father. However, Sam ended up passing away at age five years old. I was broken, and full of shattered shards and bits of life, as we know it.

I’m not the woman I once was… I’m not the mama I once was…

– Many of you on social media know that I’m not who I used to be.

– I’m different now… a different ‘me’. It has been this way since October 1990.

– When I remarried, my new daughter never got the chance to know the ‘me’ before the new me. Rachel – you never got to know the first ‘me’ before ‘the new me’. I’m sorry you never got to meet the ‘first me’ – you may have liked that ‘me’.

– When Sam died, and after the tubes were removed, I rocked him in my arms for about 20 minutes. My body was torn apart and I could barely even breathe.

– I kissed Sam’s corpse over and over and messed up his lips (he had been intubated and required lip filler), and nothing was ever the same.

– I’m sorry to both my kids on Earth, Gene and Rachel, and to my husband, for always being there in my physical form, but yet now ‘really there’. Imagine a zombie mother living in the house and baking cookies yet she isn’t really ‘there’. A mother going to Boy Scout events, field trips, musical events, sports games, and the like, but one part seems missing.

– As each year passes by, I am more ‘there’ but know that moments do happen and always will happen. You see change is inevitable, and some parents change even more so.

– For us baby boomers who have lost, we also never had enough pictures, and never will. Thankfully the millennial generation, have tons of instant pictures thanks to electronics. Life has taught me that if you are a parent, just love your children, say it and show it every day. Spoil them from time to time, (as it doesn’t hurt to give a little sometimes), and those are moments to treasure. Don’t let only Valentine’s Day be a day of showing your love; make every day that day. You only have the here and now so make the most of it, and you won’t be sorry.


WORDS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT LOST A CHILD/ CHILDREN

“Does it get any easier after losing a child? Somewhat…
Is it possible for a parent to be happy their child/children are perfect in Heaven above… and feel peace with that? Sure… (It took me twenty-three years for Eli and somewhat less for Joshua.)
Can a parent ever “get over” losing a child? No. This is the KING of loss. We can be happy that they are perfect in Heaven and sad at times when we miss them the most.
Bereaved parents are continually re-writing each day, as they try to cope with their new “normal.” This won’t change. We will think of our loss when other children reach milestones such as their first tooth, first steps, first words, kindergarten, holidays, best friend, graduation, prom, falling in love, first kiss, learning to drive, getting married… the list is endless. There will always be reminders of our loss.
The WORST things you can ever say to a parent who has suffered the KING of loss, even after one, ten, twenty, or more years? “You should be over it by now,” or “Move on with life.” You see, we are moving on with life. We just do it one hour… one day at a time… re-writing life as we go along.”

~S Jackson, October 2014


About the author

Mary L. Schmidt writes under the pen name of S. Jackson, and she is a retired registered nurse, who won the coveted Leora B. Stroup Bachelor of Science in Nursing Award for outstanding clinical performance, community involvement and academic achievement in Nursing Award, while at Fort Hays State University. She is a Member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators: The international professional organization for writers and illustrators of children’s literature, and Sigma Theta Tau International: The Honor Society of Nursing, which is the second-largest nursing organization in the world with approximately 135,000 active members. She loves spending time with her husband, Michael, who is also her co-author, A. Raymond; their son Gene, daughter Rachel, and first born grandchild, Austin.


Check out S. Jackson’s blog:

https://whenangelsfly.wordpress.com

Smorgasbord – Time for some Laffs – Out of the mouths of babes!

Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful humorous post with us. 🙂

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

laffsMy thanks to my lovely friend Mrs. T who sent the following laffs to me… I have embellished with some funnies from Facebook in recent months.

child-sleeping

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human, because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

Little girl: ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.’

Teacher: ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’

Little girl: ‘Then you ask him.’

1533862_10151907730223030_1716352393_nA Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She occasionally would walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she…

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Fear of the Big Bad Wolf

Picture courtesy of: http://www.my-hd-wallpapers.com/ipad-wallpapers/1379582120_wolf-in-forest.html
Picture courtesy of: http://www.my-hd-wallpapers.com/ipad-wallpapers/1379582120_wolf-in-forest.html

 

 

Thinking about my childhood means to remember Fairy Tales. My Mom loved reading us the Tales of Brothers Grimm, like so many other parents did to their children; without realizing how cruel those myths were.

The ones I heard when I was a child. How many Fairy Tales of Brothers Grimm were written where a big bad wolf is eating the Grandmother as well as seven baby goats? We are talking about Red Riding hood and the wolf and the fox. There are several others as well. One thing I remember was that my sister was in never ending terrible fear of the bad wolf. I played the tough one, but I can now admit I wasn’t always happy to walk over to my bedroom all by myself as a kid.

Brothers Grimm History

History and research teach us that the Brothers Grimm studied law at the University in Marburg. After their University time they focused on their secret obsession of exploring the historical development of German literature (legends, documents and poetry). Within their studies they defined the scientific basics of this work field. They did not limit their studies to German documents but included English, Scottish and Irish sources. But Brothers Grimm as well extended their work area to Scandinavia, Finland, The Netherlands, Spain and Serbia.

Mainly it was Wilhelm Grimm who we have to thank for collecting the mutual delivered stories, sagas, legends and myths. He was the one setting the basics for the so called ‘Fairy Tale literature’. He wrote them down, polished the edges and removed or re-described the lore hinting to erotic contents.

Many of the Fairy Tales weren’t for the fainthearted and created for adults to read.

Between 1815 and 1819 Brothers Grimm published a “cleaned up” version of the German Fairy Tales for children. In 1823 they published an English version of ‘Fairy Tales for children’.

At this place I don’t want to continue with the life of Brothers Grimm, except to clear up one historical misbelief. Brothers Grimm never traveled through the world collecting their Fairy Tales. Wealthy and well-traveled people within their circle of acquaintances carried the greatest part of their myths and Tales to the Brothers.

Getting rid of the wolf trauma:

As an adult I did research on the ‘bad wolf’ to lose my fear. I was surprised to find out that my Native American Totem symbol is supposed to be the wolf.

Wolves have a high sense of loyalty and are social creatures. They are known to be incredible communicators by using touch, body movement, eye contact and many vocal expressions. People with the wolf as their Totem animal are often natural talents in speech as well as creative writing.

The meanings of the wolf as a Totem symbol means: loyalty, cunning, generosity, intelligence, friendliness, compassion and communication. The Totem wolf symbols are amongst the ones who understand that the wolf is a representative of deep faith, deep emotion and high intellect.

(Thank you very much W. J. Barnett who told me what my Native American Totem is, and I never thought it is a wolf. And thank you, Jackie Barnett-Wilder for explaining me what the symbol means. You both are amazing)

 

******

 

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This post was published first time July 21, 2015 on Val Rainey’s blog.

I was invited to guest post over at Val Rainey’s blog, where I wrote about the fear of wolves children may develop while hearing the old fairy tales of Brothers Grimm.

I hope you will like White-wolf-A-Jthe post and I’d be honored if you will leave a comment.

 

Thank you very much Val Rainey for the chance to guest post!

AJ Alexander

 

Winter wonderland

Fall storms are over, the air is like lead,

cool is the wind blowing around the head.

Over night snowflakes are falling to the ground,

secretly and without the slightest sound.

**

Beautiful snow gives a new season birth

by coating with white the cooled down Earth.

People start using a much quicker pace

leaving the white covered ground with their trace.

**

Mountains and hills are sugared in white

with only the moonshine it still looks like light.

Children love snow and run for their sled

as soon as in the morning they’re out of bed.

**

Racing downhills with friends is much fun,

then discussing who lost and who won.

Some warm chocolate from Mom at return to the house,

It’s time now to wait for Santa Clause.

**

Christmas gets closer, excitement is high,

until then, snow and cold will come by.

People wear scarfs and gloves on their hand,

to gaze in amazement at this winter wonderland.

**

(Copyright: Aurora Jean Alexander, December 2015)

Picture courtesy of: http://nature.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/717114/
Picture courtesy of: http://nature.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/717114/

 

29 Childrens’ Misunderstandings of Biblical Proportions

“Nutsrok” posted this absolutely hilarious collection of children’s musunderstandings of biblical proportions. I had to wipe off my tears from my face. Have fun!

Nutsrok

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told…

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