I thought it might be a fun idea, just to throw in a few jokes and make you all laugh. I know it’s not much, but if I can make one of you laugh, my good deed for the day is done. Have fun, enjoy and share away.
In Europe lives a family with seven children, three girls, four boys. The youngest of the boys does not speak, he gets older, five, six, close to seven and he still does not say a word. The doctor doesn’t find anything and nobody can help. Finally, the family’s priest recommends them to go to ‘Lourdes’, a catholic pilgrimage destination in France.
To guarantee the kids at home are kept well and safe, the mother stays home and the father takes the boy to Lourdes. When they arrived there, the father takes his son to the holy waters, where he takes the boys’ head and dives it three times into the water. When the boy comes up the third time he coughs and spits and tells his father clearly: “Would you stop that crap? You’re a complete dummy!” – Overflowing with happiness the father runs to the phone to call his wife and tell her the good news: “Our son speaks! He can speak! He called me a dummy!” The mother replies dryly: “And he is absolutely right: You took the wrong kid!”
A boy and a girl in a small ‘farmer’s village’ in Europe fell in love. In that time, out in the country, people didn’t like seeing unmarried couples being all over each other, so they had to meet in secret.
One night they decided to meet behind the girl’s home’s backyard. They passionately began kissing – one thing led to another – and the heat of the youth took over and nature took its course.
Afterward, he held her in his arms and softly told her: “I’m so sorry. If I had known you were still a virgin, I had taken more time.” She replied with the same loving softness: “Oh if I had known you had more time, I had taken off my pantyhose.”
I’m now talking to the kids, teenagers, and the ones who one day want to become teens, young adults, and millennials. I’m talking to those wimps who have no clue that one can grow up without having everyone (namely, the parents) fighting for them while they lean back and continue playing on their computers and not do anything…
We and I very consciously talk about that group of people, born before 1980, we didn’t have what you have today – what did we have? Nothing, after the war! We had nothing! (And I know exactly who of you is laughing now and got the joke!) 😀
What did we have? We didn’t have mothers who bought us fast food or whatever we wanted to eat and ordered deliveries of our favorite sweets. We had a mother who cooked! Our mothers cooked spinach, green beans, peas, cauliflower – I grew up in a time before broccoli! We had real oatmeal and soup! We had to eat what was on the table – OR NOT EAT AT ALL! And when we didn’t behave as we should, there were days we were sent to bed without dinner.
We had toys – our toys came from China! All the lead paint and cadmium we sucked off the toys ourselves! Nobody helped us – and we didn’t die. Our mothers drove us around in cars without baby’s safety cushions and children’s seats, without airbags and some of them even without seat belts! Our mothers didn’t drive their children around in family vans and SUV’s. We had Volkswagen Beetles! Vacation time came, and our Dad was driving us, his wife, and two kids in the back of his baby blue beetle for 16 hours across the continent! Our mother had a few plastic bags for us kids to vomit into in case we didn’t feel so well.
When we were on the road, our mother didn’t have baby wipes or sterile medical wipes. She had a fabric family handkerchief where she spat into and wiped our faces with! That is actually the best stain remover on Earth! If a cleaner-production-company would be smart, they’d bottle up mother-spittle and sell it as an ‘all stain remover,’ because it removes everything, from mud to blood. And in that handkerchief, if anyone would ever have it scientifically investigated, you could have found the DNA from our great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, robber-knight Alexander!
When we couldn’t sleep as kids, we didn’t get ‘sleep-well-baby-tea’ or ‘baby-sleeping-juice’ from the drug store. No! Grandmother came in with the big bottle of brandy, and if there was none in the house, we got eggnog instead – we were forced to open our mouth and got it fed with the tablespoon, followed by a handful of gummi bears which we ate, one after another, then turned around and slept, and we still have all our teeth!
If we once in a rare while got a chewing gum, we didn’t chew and carelessly discarded it by the side of the road after half an hour. We chewed the entire day – and then in the evening, carefully placed it on our nightstand! In the morning, we blew the fluffs off the gum and stuck it back into our mouth – and in school, in the break, when talking to our best friend, we loaned it to her for the duration of the break – and the next lesson!
To play with we didn’t have Wii-consoles, Playstation, i-phones, i-pads, i-pods and were glued to them and frozen in time. What did we have to play with when we were kids? We had FRIENDS! And with these friends, we played daily! Yes, and sometimes we argued, we wrestled and once in a while one of our teeth fell out – but back then an incident like that wasn’t followed by an immediate meeting with parents who threatened to contact their lawyers! We were the ones being responsible for what we did!
And additionally, to the lost tooth, we got a clean slap across the face from Mom what she considered a clear statement in educational measures. Then we played ball – all kinds of ball. Softball, Basketball, soccer. The athletic kids were picked by the respective team captains, the not-so-athletic ones (like little AJ) were watching, not playing because these kids had to learn to handle disappointment – without the constant support of a children’s psychiatrist.
We all drank from the same glasses. Not the matching glasses – the SAME ones – like our siblings, parents, neighbors, neighbors’ kids, friends, and the neighbors’ dog sometimes. That wasn’t always nice – and sometimes we even drank from the garden hose when we were really thirsty – and we all survived!
We barely ever drank water and never soda- nor ‘filtered water’ out of a bottle, or water with a taste – no, we drank lemonade, yellow lemon tasty liquid with tons of sugar, sometimes the thing was syrup with orange taste and bubbles – and then we went back playing and ran it off.
We got grades in school – from first class on! And when we had bad grades in school, our parents told us off! They didn’t go giving their opinion to our teachers! We were the ones who had to work hard in school because only the kids with good grades who knew things and were good in school went to college, not every Ritalin-addicted brat whose parents were too lazy to work in school back in their times and hired tutors for their kids from the second class on, still believing their brood is highly gifted.
We had everything – we, the ones born before 1980 had everything! Freedom, success, failure, happiness, disappointment – and lemonade! We grew up, we experienced the first computers – we learned how to use them, we grew with the technology – but it doesn’t control us! We are neither addicted, nor are we dominated by technology! To us, it is a relief, a help, not our master. We can survive without it – the one after 1980 can’t! We are the ones who are tough; nothing is killing us, shattering us or making us giving up – because we learned to live with whatever was thrown to us – and we survived!
It’s February 9, 2020 – ‘Oscar’ Sunday. For hours everyone with a name in Hollywood is walking the red carpet. I enjoyed the event enormously. Since I’m not an expert, I will definitely not criticize any of the academy’s decision. I don’t have the right to do that… many excellent actors and actresses, film artists, and Academy members have done their best in these decisions.
But what I’m sure going to do, is saying a word or two to the wardrobe some of the famous Hollywood Elite wore today. Of course, I cannot show every single participant and wardrobe here. But I picked the ones that triggered the most reaction in me. I promise one thing I’ll do my best. All these comments are strictly my personal opinion and my own taste. I hope you’ll enjoy the pictures, the comments, and if you agree or disagree with me, let me know in the comments.
We have a few nice, impressive and safe dresses here with some of our beloved Hollywood actresses, Renee Zellweger, Natalie Portman, Salma Hayek, and Scarlet Johansson
We also have a nicely and safely dressed Mindy Kaling, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Kelly Ripa, and America Ferrera, who is glowing, thanks to her pregnancy. Congratulations, America.
I hope very much you’ll forgive me for interrupting the ‘Ladie’s Oscar Night’ for a few pictures of very well dressed (and other) gentlemen. We have, of course, the very well classically dressed tuxedo participants: Brad Pitt, Keanu Reeves (here with his date: his Mom), Taika Waititi, Tom Hanks, Leo DiCaprio, and Rami Malek.
Of course, we have two more gentlemen that need to be mentioned, our all-time-favorites, Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino, one of them in a classic tux while Al Pacino looks his typical self, a bit ragged, a bit disheveled, just as we all love him.
And then, of course, two to mention whose choice of wardrobe (or stylist), I, unfortunately, cannot understand: Timothée Chalamet and Billy Porter. It is one thing to be yourself, it’s another thing to look completely out of place and out of space. To me, that’s a no-go, sorry.
We have breathtaking dress picks, like Laura Dern, Sigourney Weaver, Sandra Oh, and Cynthia Erivo. I know, I read in some places, Sandra Oh belonged to the worst dressed actresses, but I don’t agree. I think she looks fresh and beautiful in her golden ruffled Ellie Saab dress. Also, I heard comments that Laura Dern’s dress is horrible, I don’t think so. I’m quoting my sister here: ‘Normally I don’t like black and pink mixed, but that is not classic pink, it’s more a discreet powder tone which makes her look classic and gorgeous.’. To me, Sigourney Weaver’s forest green dress is a timeless classic, simple but elegant, and makes her look beautiful. And of course, Cynthia’s dress, even as unusual it is, it’s still elegant and makes her look regal.
We have a few memorable, classically beautiful, even breathtaking wardrobe choices, for example, Regina King, Beanie Feldstein, Margot Robbie, Charlize Theron, Penelope Cruz, and Rebel Wilson. In my opinion, well chosen, well done.
Now, let’s get to those participants, who I think, were a bit unlucky in their choice of wardrobe (or stylist). I’m very much into staying true to oneself, but that doesn’t mean, that ‘oneself’ is the center of the universe, and no adaption whatsoever is necessary. Not everything classic is bad or simply old-fashioned. Sometimes it’s beautiful and breathtaking! ‘Taking risks’ in my book, doesn’t mean looking like you got lost and should actually be at another event.
Zazie Beetz, I’m sorry, but for the most important award of the year, this is just insufficient. It’s beautiful, no doubt, but it’s not enough. Next time, please, upgrade!
Saoirse Ronan, I know it’s Gucci, but I’m afraid, even though the top looks amazing, the frills in the middle and the entire bottom don’t. That dress looks like you’re wearing two or three unfinished dresses hastily sewn together. I’m sure, next time, your choice will be much better.
Kristen Wiig… I’m sorry, but no… This looks a bit like the curtain in the bathroom of an old German castle… In an emergency, it also can serve as a table cloth on Christmas with these frills on the side, or – it may also be a tomato ravioli… depending on how hungry one is while looking at it. You have this absolutely breathtaking body – deciding on this sausage peel wasn’t necessary!
Olivia Coleman – far better than the Golden Globe dress, but not good enough for you. Three colors weren’t necessary – a nice simple black and white dress would have been beautiful on you – and that awkward sleeve-do on the dress once again adds width and weight to your frame. Still, room for improvement.
Little Julia Butters… my-oh-my. Young girls can look so cute on the red carpet. Some stylists manage to display the presentiment of future beauty and talent by dressing their young clients. This stylist – didn’t. Julia Butters looks like she’s wearing the dress in which Miss Piggy exploded. I hope from the bottom of my heart, next time someone keeps an eye on that girl!
Blac Chyna… I’m not sure what exactly your contribution to the Hollywood acting community is. I’m just wondering why you are showing up on the red carpet of the most important Award of the year, looking like you actually planned to go to the porn awards. Got lost? If not, maybe you should…
Billie Eilish – really? Sorry, Chanel or not – I think nothing on this look is the least bit positive. You have such a gorgeous face – that hair color is completely blocking your entire look, no matter if it’s fluorescent. The hawk-like claws aren’t helping. They look cheap. The entire oversized outfit makes you look like a meth bong. No-no…
On A Personal Note:
In a post like this one, I would normally not adding any kind of statement. It should just show my opinion about the fashion, it should make people look at the pictures, giggle a bit about my descriptions, agree or disagree with me and have fun. But today I was a bit surprised – and also a bit sad.
In today’s Oscar Memoriam Tribute, one actor, who was even featured in one of the shown pictures, “Once Upon A Time In Hollywood”, was left out: Luke Perry.
Luke Perry, our favorite ‘Beverly Hills 90210’ star, passed away on March 4, 2019, after suffering a stroke at the age of 52. His passing came one week after the 2019 Academy Awards, so it would actually be ‘logical’ to have him mentioned in the 2019 tribute. But he was famously missing.
That’s why I mentioned him here once again. R. I. P. Luke Perry.
All pictures courtesy of Google.com unless mentioned differently.
Today I discovered a free short story on Nicholas Rossi’s blog. I was fascinated and loved it enormously. I, therefore, hope he’ll permit me to show you a very small part of it – and link you to his page. Enjoy the read.
Waters of Oblivion
While I wait for you, I take in the beach. This is my home. The deep, calm sea—too dark to make out anything but the soothing waves that lap my feet. Dark silhouettes surround me. They would crowd the beach, were it not for its immensity. Old and young, men and women, take slow, dazed steps into the abysmal waters. Guides like me help them in. Not that you need us for this. Ancient, forgotten instincts would drive you forward even if we weren’t there. But we pride ourselves in that special, personal touch.
Smaller, translucent silhouettes come out of the sea, too, like baby turtles going the wrong way. Other guides are there to take them to their new homes. You will be following them in no time.
And now you’re finally here. When I left you at your bedroom after you had swallowed all those pills, I was wondering how long it would take you to join me. Not that time matters. Not here, anyway.
You shudder after the unpleasant experience of going through the death portal. “What… what happened?” you ask.
“You got what you wanted,” I say. “Congratulations. You’re dead.”
March 11, 2015 my first blog post, “Welcome to the Writer’s Treasure Chest” was published. This was exactly 9 months ago. Since then this blog has made far better progress than I ever had dared to hope.
Even though I was a little scared to own my own blog and keep readers entertained, you all made it enjoyable for me!
This blog has made significant progress. In the meantime I could celebrate by far over 200 followers, 1,000 likes, over 8,000 views, 2 blog awards and December 9, 2015 I got this:
Each visit is making me happy, each comment is making me proud and each re-blog is a huge honor for me!
– for all your help, your support, for every single visit you pay this blog – for your comment, your re-blog, your efforts!
I do wish you and your families and friends a peaceful, happy and contemplative Christmas season.