The Famous ‘House Special’
A while ago, back in Europe, when I was traveling with a friend, I went for dinner to a restaurant that belonged to a very nice Italian couple. It was in Rome.
You know, when you go to European restaurants, there are these eight-to-ten people tables for tourists, where they place you on, and unless the table is filled up, you won’t get served.
My friend and I had a lot of fun. I don’t belong to the people who always want to eat steak and fries or fish and chips wherever they go. I’d like to know what a country has to offer me. And here it was the same thing.
Confidently I told the waiter, I want to have the ‘house special,’ no matter what it is. He was a bit surprised and asked carefully, “Are you sure?” I confirmed that I was, indeed, very sure.
He brought us soup and salad ahead; then, the entrees were served. My friend got steak and fries, and I got the ‘house special’… it was a bird, a tiny bird. It was lying there, all by itself, on a small white plate.
The little head hung halfway over the plate; one of its eyes was open, one closed, beak, feet, and claws were still entirely there.
So far, I have always taken on every challenge I had accepted, even the ones to myself. But in that particular case, the question was not, would I really go through with this? The question was, “How?”
There is something we all can learn from American ‘Haute Cuisine’… One can eat everything imaginable on Earth, no matter what it is, provided it fits in a bun.
Two nuns decided to go and watch a basketball game. The two men behind them didn’t like it too much since they could barely see, due to the nun’s head veils. One said to the other: “Next time we’ll go to Los Angeles, there aren’t as many catholics.” The other man replied: “Or we’ll go to New York to a game, there are even less catholics.” One of the nuns turned around and recommended friendly: “Why don’t you both go to Hell, there aren’t catholics at all.”
Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” – “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
A man takes his wife to a fancy restaurant. They order the meals, then they wait. During the waiting time they realized, their neighbor Mr. Brown and his wife, sit at the next table. They briefly greet them and talk. A few minutes later a tall, slim blonde woman walks up to their table and kisses the husband, then turns around and walks away. The woman is startled and asks her husband: “Who was that?” The husband replies: “This is my lover.” The wife is shocked, then gets angry and informs her husband: “I’m going to get a divorce.” The husband asks her: “Really, a divorce, hm? What’s with the beautiful house, the pool, the boat, the horse and the fancy cars?” The wife sighs and leans back… Just after their meals are served, a tall, slim brunette woman walks up to their neighbor’s table, kisses Mr. Brown, turnes around and walks away. The wife asks her husband: “Who was that?” The husband replies: “That was Brown’s lover.” The wife thinks about it for a moment and then says: “Ours is prettier.”
A lawyer is decently successful and in the middle of a trial, which he knows, if he loses this case, his career is over. In a last hope to save himself, he summons the devil. The devil shows up, tells the lawyer: “You’re lucky. We have a sale this week. You will win this case, you are going to move to the most phantastic new offices, you will be the best lawyer in the state, you’re going to be a fantastic lover and your bad breath will be gone. As a compensation I will get your wife and two kids and they will spend the rest of their days in Hell.” The lawyer leans back and replies: “Wait… wait a second… there MUST BE a catch!”
Here’s the difference between women’s and men’s friendships. The woman doesn’t come home until the morning. And she says “I’m sorry, I spent the night at my friend’s house.” The man takes his phone and calls her ten best friends. And from all of them he hears the same reply “No, she hasn’t spent the night here. Sorry.”
The same thing happens the other way around. The woman wakes up, the man isn’t home and only arrives when his wife already has her coffee. He tells her: “Sorry, I spent the night at a friend’s place.” The woman takes her phone and calls his ten best friends. Seven of them tell her “Yes, of course, he spent the night here.” The other three tell her, that he is still sleeping on their couch at that time.
A woman spontaneously decides to pick up her husband from the office and take him to lunch. The company belongs to him, and without as much as a knock on the door she barged in the office. There she found her husband with his secretary on his lap. For a second the situation seemed weird, but the husband was a quick thinker and immediately he dictated: “…and that’s why it’s essential that we purchase a second chair for my office…”
Have fun with Sally Cronin and Debby Gies. I had a good laugh with these. Thank you, Sally and Debby!
Firstly, with the results of sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.
D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.
Thanks so much for the giggles and smiles, Chris! We all love them!
Thanks so much for the giggle, Story Reading Ape! I had a good time with this one!
In my first Assistant post, I published about 2 feet of information about Maine Coon cats. In this post, I’ll spare you from the same information. If you like to read about it, go back to the first post.
Instead, I’m going to introduce you to my second ‘Baby Girl’, my ‘Writing Assistant #3’.
This girl, too, is a pure breed Maine Coon cat, including beautiful Lynx-tips. Indeed, this one is a former ‘Best of Show’ champion.
After I got Charlet, I saw, her breeder had a breathtaking Calico Torbie female. I told her: “I never wanted a third cat, but if you EVER retire that one, I’ll take her in. She laughed and informed me she had a waiting list.
Surprisingly, a few months later the breeder called me up and asked me if I would keep my word and take her in. She said, the beautiful kitty had a bad delivery with her last litter and she needs to be retired, but also she had arthritis and was barely three years old. That’s why the entire ‘waiting list’ didn’t want her anymore. Of course, I kept my word and picked her up. Only a short time later I realized the kitty had difficulties eating and I took her to the vet… long story short: Esme had cancer and after fighting for her life for eight months, I had to admit we lost the fight and I had to have her euthanized. She fell asleep in my arms, Jake was with us…
When we got back home, it took me a while to realize that Esme had taken over the pack lead from Charlet. I had not known that and was surprised that Jake and Charlet started fighting badly and Charlet scratched and bit Jake seriously a few times. They had to figure out again who was the boss and even after months they could not decide. I had two cats who couldn’t stand each other anymore.
Finally, I knew I had to give them something else to concentrate on. A kitty would have been a possibility. They would have to focus on the baby and would stop fighting. (or Charlet, as a former mother would have pulled the kitten to her side and they both could have sided against Jake).
I never had a kitten before and was considering getting one. I heard of a breeder having two litters with Maine Coon kittens. Of course, I had the chance to cuddle with the cutest kittens on Earth.
But then, somehow, I did not have the right feeling. I sensed that I was about to make a really bad decision. I told that to the breeder. She seemed disappointed. And started to hand out treats to her adult cats… and there I saw her. An elegant, breathtaking pitch-black panther cat, with a beautiful bushy tail and green eyes…
I asked the breeder: “Erica, this black cat… you don’t consider giving her for adoption, right?” She started laughing. I was a bit disappointed and said “I understand… she’s far too beautiful.” But Erica shook her head. “No, that’s not why I’m laughing. But before you arrived I talked to a breeder friend of mine and told her, that I would soon retire Tjara from breeding, since she’s 4 1/2 years old, almost five. But I have two litters with kittens, who will want the five-year-old cat? You are now the first one checking out the two litters and you’re asking if you can have the adult cat.” We laughed together… and the cat I fell in love with, was mine.
Usually, when I take cats home, I’ll keep them separated for a few hours, in the room where the litter boxes are, prepare water and make sure they relax and start getting the smell of their new home.
This cat didn’t last even one hour. After twenty minutes she scratched the door and demanded to see the rest of her new home. I laughed, shrugged, and said: “Good Luck.”
Jake and Charlet were waiting outside. Tjara licked Jake’s nose and let Charlet hiss at her. Then she walked through the rest of her new home. After about half an hour, she sat on the carpet, looked around, looked at me, and seemed to say: “New home? New Mommy? New subordinates? Fits – MINE.”
She had taken over the pack within not even an hour and is the boss ever since. Not even two days later even the connection between Charlet and Jake had normalized, that’s how strong Tjara is as a pack-leader.
I’m very proud of my strong kitty-cat. She rules with an iron paw, but at the same time, she’s helpful and cuddly.
Here we go: