Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – April 13th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Selective Hearing and Writing Humour

Thank you so much for the giggles, Sally! I’m trying to spread the smiles. These are so funny!

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Welcome to laughter lines. We will be sharing some of our favourites from the archives over the next few weeks.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye:Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally. Wry Writing Humour

A writer comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is–”

“Wait…

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7 Tips to Balancing the Humor and the Heavy – Written By Charles Yallowitz

I like to included humor in my stories.  Yet, I don’t want them to be seen as comedies.  I like to touch on heavy topics in my stories.  Yet, I don’t want them to be seen as serious dramas.  That means I need to have both and keep things balanced.  That isn’t nearly as easy as some people believe.  You can’t throw the two around whenever you feel like it in the hopes of creating an equilibrium.  Humor and heavy can clash like battling titans instead of uniting like pieces of a puzzle.  So, what are some ways to handle this?

  1. Whichever one is going to be the main tone of the story should be introduced from the beginning.  If you want to have a serious story with humorous sections and conversations then you need to set the heavy stage.  If it’s supposed to be a comedic tale that moves into serious territory then start with the funny.  You do have a runway to work with since the opening is more character and world introduction, so the tone may be neutral first.  Eventually, you need to decide on who gets the bigger slice of pizza.

CONTINUE READING HERE

My Valentine’s Post About Men, Women, Their Differences – And Giggles

It’s 2021 – another year has passed – and while I hoped things would be clear and happy around my birthday – here I am – a month and a week later and still no flowers. *sigh*

For some reason, I’m surprised sometimes that most men ‘forget’ to give or send me flowers because they tell me they thought I wasn’t the flower-kind-of-girl. WHY NOT? What exactly gives you the impression I wouldn’t like flowers? Flowers are important to me – my favorite flowers are white lilies. BUT: Make no mistake: flowers have a meaning, they are a symbol and they should be used correctly:

  • White lilies and roses – wonderful – for my birthday bunch!
  • Yellow roses – they mean ‘friendship’
  • pink roses – are boring in my opinion and symbolize gratitude and say ‘thank you’
  • white roses: purity, innocence, spirituality – good for bridal bouquets of an 18-year-old – or a funeral
  • red roses: passion, romance, beauty, love – perfect for my valentine’s day!!

But then… men usually only think about flowers when they’re at the gas station and see these plastic-wrapped ‘last-minute-rose’ by the door. I’d love to have Valentine’s Day just once in my lifetime… but since that’s not happening, I most likely just have to pretend I don’t like it so much…

See, men and women are so different in many ways. Let’s see:

Women often complain about how their men/husbands/partners are never on time. It seems we women don’t understand that our better halves are like children when they play with their friends. They meet in a bar, have a couple of beers, and forget the time. At home, they told us, “Darling, I’ll be home latest at midnight,”… and when are they coming home? Sometime in May.

Many women don’t understand that men can be far more sensitive than we think, more profound, elaborate, and far more plaintive! Oh, come on, Guys; you know it! If you don’t feel well, you insist on informing the world! And in particular, you don’t want that anyone trivializes the entire tragic magnitude of your suffering!

If my friend’s husband has a cold, he is hugely hurt if someone asks him: Do you have a cold? His face is red, his nose purple, his eyes at half-mast, and he snuffles: “Cold? Oooooohhhh… my nose is running a marathon… I closed it down with superglue now. They’re still working on a dissolver.” (cough-cough-sigh). “But somehow things have to go on…” (sob)

A woman would get up, take a couple of sinus Tylenol’s, blow her nose, and start her day. Men make a far bigger fuss around their booboos.

If men would get menstruation, you don’t believe they would be satisfied with a simple ‘Always Ultra’? No way! They would carry half a mattress in their pants for everyone to see! And of course, talk about it at work. “Yo, Buddy… got your period again?” – “Ooooohhhh…. Yeah, last night, I’m telling you! I thought I’m bleeding out. And my wife, next to me? Sleeps like nothing is happening. I shook her, yelling at her: Woman, get up! Drive me to the hospital! I need a blood transfusion!” – And you don’t think men would carry tampons discretely in their bag or pocket? No! They would have their own golf-bag for that! Oh well, being a softie isn’t a sin. Compared to other things, of course.

Why do you think it’s said, so many of us ladies don’t meet their husbands in the afterlife? I heard after men pass away, they go to Heaven. The man stands there, in front of Saint Peter, and then they work on the payroll. If they’re above zero, in the end, they remain in Heaven; if they’re below zero, they’ll go to Hell. Life is hard work. Every man gets a minimum salary of $13/hr. That will be quite an amount, let’s say, at the age of 80. And then, of course, there will be the sins to pay for:

  • A lie -$25
  • Cheating -$235
  • Swearing -$80
  • Physical injury -$20,000
  • Masturbation -$0.50 (Yeah, you’re laughing, but hey, these accumulate, ‘ya know)

And then, Saint Peter calculates, and at the end -the guy is 50 cents short…

On the other hand, many men complain they don’t understand us, women! Well, if God would have wanted you guys to understand us, we’d come with a user manual.

Life is serious, sometimes tragic, at times, it’s stressful, hard, and horrible. And in these times, we need something to laugh about, and what would be funnier than the differences between men and women? This was my way to make you giggle.