A Little Bit Of Sarcasm – And Weddings

Lately, I heard about the wedding of one of my former boyfriends. Well, it took him quite long to decide, even though his new fiance/wife was not exactly innocent… considering she got pregnant just before his famous ‘level 4’.

Well… the groom and I were… once… you know… quite close. We liked each other – just at one point, he needed distance. After about two years, the distance was that big, we decided not to continue the relationship. It didn’t make sense.

Now… what are some weddings nowadays? 150 guests. Like a mass-wedding, I am indeed glad I’m not part of. However, once invited you can barely stay away since, of course, the newlyweds expect many presents… or presents in monetary-form, of course. Even though once I read on a wedding announcement, “Money presents are uninspired, particularly small ones.”

Why not just giving the account number where we can transfer the money to? Then the guests can do that… for the closest family member, a few breadsticks and a glass of cheap bubble water – and then the couple can take the money and go to their honeymoon.

But no… it always has to be something like a  Hollywood wedding but a wedding somewhere out in the countryside, where the utmost symbol of ‘good taste’ is the several thousand dollar-bridal gown which, according to the bride ALWAYS is very modest! While it’s created with Wite-out colored hundreds of yards of tulle and a huge bow on the bride’s ass, which makes her look like a mix of a Barbie doll and a Bavarian beer tent.

Courtesy of Google.com

Of course, there are a few other things that cannot go missing like white doves, flower girls with lace dresses, bows in the front, and frills in the back… and I’m asking myself why the entire effort? In five years, they’ll be divorced anyway.

But however… one has to go – which makes me happy I now live too far away to participate in that feast of waste. I know the woman… she’s a living nightmare in bows – but he doesn’t need my help – one day he’ll find it out anyway.

I can’t stand this kind of wedding. Whenever I went to one in the past few years, there were always this handful of old aunts and their second and third cousins around, elbowing me in the ribs and winking at me “You’re the next – you’ll be the next.” That behavior only stopped when I started doing the same thing at funerals.

Now, I found out that there are things on Earth that are simply a ‘fairy tale.’ Downright lies. Like the big and only love… A made-up story by Hollywood to make sure we true believers in true love are running to the movie theater to watch Pretty Woman or Titanic…

You know… maybe there is this true love – but it’s rare – very, very rare. There might be the one or other couple that loves each other and rarely ever argues or discusses something. – Lately, I saw an interview with a couple that had celebrated their 50th anniversary! That is quite an achievement! They asked the husband if he never ever considered a divorce – and he said: “A divorce? No – but murder – yes.”

That’s reality – and not three-story wedding cakes and chubby-cheeked flower kids. One day, the bride wakes up and realizes, the wedding cake is gone, the chubby-cheeked flower kids have turned into a bunch of snotty junkies, and since the wedding, the husband has never given her flowers – or compliments anymore and what they now laugh about most are his burbs… or other body functions, and she asks herself if that is going on like that for the next thirty years.

A smart woman once said: “A good man knows to die on time to make sure his wife has at least a few years she still can enjoy. The advantage of a widow is that she always knows where her husband lies.”

Oh well… I figure at times I’m glad I never was a bride. Maybe I just got my expectations too high and my imagination of a wedding too low. LOL

However – after writing this very sarcastic blog post – I might consider going around the corner to that Italian restaurant I discovered, with the singing guitar player… about 106 years old – but still smiling (or at least trying to smile). The waiter is not the sexy Italian dark-eyed romantic girl everyone expects, but a Neapolitan former docker, about as wide as high with so much chest hair that you have to send a search party for his gold chain…

Just one more thing… don’t take it all too seriously, have a good laugh and an amazing day.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a joke from Sally’s Archives

Thank you so much, Sally Cronin. I had a wonderful wide smile on my face reading that post and I can’t resist sharing the smiles.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Debby GiesD.G. Kaye Writer Blog  and I are delighted to keep finding new material to make you laugh but we are very happy if you would like to join in and share your humour too..

If you would like to share your favourite joke.. and get a plug in for your blog or books.. then email it to me at sally.cronin@moyhill.com (this is a family show!)

My thanks to Debby for finding the funnies…please give her a round of applause

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And a joke from my archives…

Some of life’s observations

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do”…

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Had…To…Share!

Thank you so much for sharing these. I had a lot of fun with them.

Two on a Rant

I couldn’t resist sharing these. 

Let’s face it, sometimes we simply need a few seconds of mindless entertainment.

Image may contain: cat

And…. from the entertainment CATpital of the world:

Image may contain: meme, possible text that says 'Just for the record: A person born in 33 was 45 in 78.'

Hey, Buttie, Ice to see you!

Image may contain: 1 person, meme, possible text that says 'THIS IS WHY 198 ce YOU NEVER TAKE UB THE TOP BAG ART'

Some jokes might be funnier if your dog wasn’t like this — at 3 in the morning just after hearing a leaf fall to the ground.

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Because I’m lazy today, this one is last:

Image may contain: possible text that says 'FROG PARKING ONLY ALL OTHERS WILL BE TOAD IF YOUR CAR IS RUNNING I'M VOTING FOR IT WANT TO GROW MY OWN FOOD BUT CANT BACON SEEDS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE? THIS IS MY STEP LADDER NEVER KNEW MY REAL LADDER MY WIFE SAID I NEVER LISTEN TO HER, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT I CHECKED INTO THE HOKEY POKEY & TURNED MYSELF AROUND IS THERE EVER MATTRESSES ARE NOT ON SALE?'

Excuse me while I find an ice machine.  I’ve been laughing too hard and need to cool off.

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