The Story Reading Ape once again provides us with the antics of Aunty Acid. Thanks a lot for the smiles!
Thank you so very much for Aunty Acid, Story Reading Ape! We all can use a laugh! It feels good and I’m sharing the smiles!
Anne R. Allen provides us with an experience no author ever wants to make. Read the blog post and you know what I mean. Thanks for sharing your experience with us, Anne.
Recently I got a furious Facebook message from a stranger who accused me of “using her life” in one of my books. It’s amazing how sometimes life imitates fiction.
She had apparently been a Facebook friend, and she dramatically unfriended me after sending a distraught DM describing the traumas in her life that I’d “stolen”.
Since she’d blocked me, I wasn’t able to assure her that Leona Von Schmidt, one of the suspects in The Queen of Staves, is an entirely fictional construct—a comic character who is not meant to resemble any real inhabitant of Planet Earth, living or dead.
When I wrote the book, I’d known nothing about the details of the Facebook woman’s life that she accused me of revealing. (Although of course, I know them now. Some things can’t be unread, alas.)
Today I discovered a free short story on Nicholas Rossi’s blog. I was fascinated and loved it enormously. I, therefore, hope he’ll permit me to show you a very small part of it – and link you to his page. Enjoy the read.
Waters of Oblivion
While I wait for you, I take in the beach. This is my home. The deep, calm sea—too dark to make out anything but the soothing waves that lap my feet. Dark silhouettes surround me. They would crowd the beach, were it not for its immensity. Old and young, men and women, take slow, dazed steps into the abysmal waters. Guides like me help them in. Not that you need us for this. Ancient, forgotten instincts would drive you forward even if we weren’t there. But we pride ourselves in that special, personal touch.
Smaller, translucent silhouettes come out of the sea, too, like baby turtles going the wrong way. Other guides are there to take them to their new homes. You will be following them in no time.
And now you’re finally here. When I left you at your bedroom after you had swallowed all those pills, I was wondering how long it would take you to join me. Not that time matters. Not here, anyway.
You shudder after the unpleasant experience of going through the death portal. “What… what happened?” you ask.
“You got what you wanted,” I say. “Congratulations. You’re dead.”
Lately, I made some new friends, wonderful people I spent an afternoon with them and had tons of fun. Later on, we went for dinner together. We decided on getting a ‘family-style’ dinner. (For those who don’t know: that is different entrees for the entire table and each participant can help themselves from the served meals.)
Now, that is a great idea, as I find, provided there is plenty ordered. In a tiny small-town restaurant, I’m afraid four entrees for six people might be a bit narrow.
In particular, when one of the served dishes isn’t your taste, and the serving-round starts on the opposite side of the table it could happen that I’m sitting at the table and ending up with the paltry remains of the served meals. That can be especially painful if one of the meals is absolutely your taste and that one has been the first one to be gone.
We kept on talking for another while, we had a really good time, except that I was secretly frowning and asking myself if there are really only women sitting on that table that belong to those who eat like sparrows… Still, they constantly talked about food, compared different desserts and meals and drinks… while my mood slowly but surely went downhills.
Bluntly spoken I had about two and a half tablespoons full of something to eat… and I was about to ask: “Cool – the idea with the appetizers – and where’s dinner now?” – when everyone found it an excellent meal and someone asked for the check.
I thought: “Jeeez… I’ll soooo need a burger on the way home.”
It has happened to me before that I was invited to dinner and got up from the table not eating… But I swear, there was served plenty of food – I just didn’t like it. I never got up from a dinner table, still hungry – and had paid for it.
Oh well… what should I say…?
Thank you very much, TSRA, for the giggles with your Maxine Monday Funnies – they’re the best – and so are you! ❤
Oh yes, TSRA has shared more of his Monday Funnies. Thanks once again for the giggles and laughs, Chris. I’m happily sharing them!
Oh – yes! Another funny day with Aunty Acid. Thank you, Story Reading Ape, for the giggle, the laughter and the smiles!
Thank you very much for sharing your humor, your smiles and your blog post! I had tons of fun, Sally! ❤
Watch out for ducks.
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in heaven. Don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and, although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!’
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
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