Nobody Knows That I…

… am going out partying several times a month.

Several people who know me will now be flabbergasted, I’m sure. “But you’re such a calm, down-to-Earth, house-bound, slightly rounded person… how can that be?”

I’m telling you how:

  • Because I need ideas for my book characters? – Maybe!
  • Because I want to collect some experience for a new book plot? – Could be!
  • On a dare? – Possible!
  • Because I suffer from ‘Multiple Personality Disorder’? – Absolutely not!
  • None of the above? – EXACTLY!

How can that be that a house-bound writer in her… uhm… best years… is going out partying, and nobody ever talks?

Well, first of all, it would need an expert to recognize me. Different outfits, different hair, expert makeup… Makeup and Hairstylists are an inexhaustible source of knowledge! There are tips and tricks to show a person in a completely different light, and I learned from the best!

One night you’ll see a cool, elegant black-haired beauty in a dove gray cocktail dress, in high-heels, holding a clutch… another night you’ll find a hot brunette in a denim corsage, leather leggings, and over-knee boots, playing pool. One night you’ll watch a fiery redhead flirting at a club – and again, one night you might meet a sexy bombshell who dances a goose bump hot tango and sips Martinis… And you have no idea, that you didn’t meet four women… you just met the same woman four times.

To answer your never asked question: Yes, I’m sure I don’t have multiple personalities inside of me. I’m just doing this for the fun!

Of course, I won’t tell you about my hunting grounds, where’s the fun in that?

And: Just to make sure I’m clear: I’m dancing, and flirting, laughing, and having fun – I’m using different names, of course! My IDs? I know a guy, who knows a guy… you know how these things go… Beautiful names, exotic names, elegant names… Olivia de Jung, Denisonde van Cortlandt, Lilliane Stuyvesant, Angeline de Mondt… I am an author, after all, I’m quite practiced in creating a personal, a character… a persona.

I have outfits and wigs, makeup and accessories that would make any stage actor jealous… And still… despite the fun, despite the thrill… it’s never more than a game, a secret dream, a fleeting moment in my life… appreciate, stored, remembered, but not taking over, controlling, or steering my very self.

History of Wigs | LoveToKnow

Now, several times a month I prepare one of my secret outfits, get ready, put my wig and makeup on, dress up, and leave the house, to be picked up by a driver. Then my night starts with a cocktail, sometimes even dinner, a club, a bar, a pub, whatever I feel like.

You might ask: “Have you never been in trouble? Have you never faced a dangerous situation, going out by yourself, pretending to be someone else?”

And I will answer: “No, of course not! It’s very simple… I’m an author… and sometimes I dream away, like today, when I was debating what to write in my blog post.” And then I’ll laugh and crow: “Gotcha!” I’ll leave the secrets and the fake personas to someone else, and rather cuddle up at home with my kitty, reading or writing a good book. But let me tell you: I had tons of fun writing this!

What are you dreaming of sometimes? Do you have a secret wish you could theoretically turn into reality and don’t, because it’s completely against your nature? Tell us about it in the comments. We’re curious!

Church Bulletin Bloopers – Reblogged

(This post was originally re-blogged on ‘Writer’s Treasure Chest’ 7/20/2015 – from ‘Nutsrok‘. The blog still exists, but hasn’t been publishing new posts since October 2020)

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

3. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall – Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

8. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

9. Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

10. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ” Break Forth Into Joy.”

14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:

“I Upped My Pledge ! – Up Yours!”

Picture courtesy of Google.com (and I love it, because it’s so bubbly, bright and friendly!)